awake

I must have fallen asleep in a field of poppies.

I’m awake now!

 

today

This minute

i

don’t

care

about

anything

of regrets

i believe that for us all there is an invisible line in the sand, so to speak, a limit that says “This far and no further”.
The road not taken is a big fat lie.
When i step away from that line i never think what could have been… i find it to be a fantasy, a fairy-tale born by the lack of courage to live with one choices, an escape from reality as much as any “happily ever after” book.
i choose reality.
Sometime is painful, sometime sucks , but dreaming of things that weren’t or would not be, to me amount to throw away what i do have.
How’s that for living in the moment?  for someone who believes the whole moment concept to be kind of idiotic, i do actually do it. No, i’m not enlightened,  or anything even close to that, i just think as my previous post says “a bird in the hand etc….”
The bird in this case is what is real right now.
Life IS beautiful, it would be a shame wasting on the “birds in the bush”.

what the f*#k am i doing…

that’s

it

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i want a cigarette

mantra?

no expectation. no expectations.no expectations.no expectations NO EXPECTATIONS  no expectations. no expectations no expectations NO EXPECTATIONS  no expectations no expectation NO EXPECTATIONS no expectations NO EXPECTATIONS

why not?… yeah i know why  ….

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listen…click

every(NON)thing

How good we are at creating dysfunction with only the tactical use of words honeyed on the tongue.
Without understanding that some dreams are hard to escape (and we assume the pose of the one who “knows” and understand the effect of rolling on the sharp rocks of  goodbyes) convex reflections on dry palms of hands.
i hunger for desire, but seems that love has taken its baggage and weapons and moved away.
i wonder what is a heart , if not the fulcrum of target for darts of pain.
Than a late beat would undo allusions defying illusions…
i unusual and unadorned, in night like this will want to be fucked hard in the ass and i think of a pain that surrounds me for a day.

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i desire everything and every(non)thing.

*

*

click

blah blah blah…

me

i’m back here… away from the other one that start to feel like a territory marked by one too many cat.
Anyway i was saying, funny how people think they read you correctly from few phrases, funny how the go in a roundabout way to make you feel bad, so you will wanna prove them wrong (by being with them?) but the funnier thing is that i actually fall for the trick, i see the attempt at reverse psychology, but unless i’m furious, i just bend over backward to prove myself, to please. Of course is like dangling a carcass in front of a bunch of vultures… oh yeah i know, kitty isn’t so kind at times, maybe, or maybe i’m just more tired of the mind games people try to play with me.
Anyway my love life still sucks. i think i’m too needy at the moment to be objective… i met someone i liked, only to be made feel like i’m snobbish, never mind he was misleading in not specifying that one look for casual encounters (maybe just for what concerned me, but still…)
Now i’ not sure what’s going on with T.(just in case you are reading )
i like him

âme gitane…

It’s 6am and i’m wide awake. Sipping chai and contemplating what will possibly put me back to sleep for a couple of hours. My life changed yet again this month, funny how people always talk about the end of the world as we know it, well the end of the world as i know it, seems to happen on a fairly regular basis. i’m not moping though, what’s the point? i done it for few days ,than start ‘rebuilding’ so to speak.. It’s me, rootless, i’m quite amazed that this time around i managed to stay put for so long. There is this nomadic streak, this restlessness that seem to be part of my makeup… sometime i have this desire to stop, to find solid ground and have a feeling of “this is it” … it hasn’t happened yet, but i’m contemplating it. Sometime i have fanciful dreams of it… home… quiet, companionship, passion, my art, my books… somebody that truly wants the things i want. Bah…

if i were…

a dog, i’d be a cocker spaniel

a dessert, i’d be profiterole

awine,i’d be a Vermentino di Toscana

a fruit,i’d be a raspberry

a star,i’d be one of the Pleiades (Electra)

a tree,i’d be prunus cerasus

a myth,i’d be Circe

a tale, i’d be Melusine

a flower,i’d be a red poppy

listening to click

it was a dark and stormy night…

i’m hot, i can’t sleep and i’m running out of books to read…

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pic me+my other cat that insist on sitting on my laps despite the 84 degrees  muggy weather….

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listening to…   click