My “date” looked like Chris Isaak,was pleasant and invited me to go out for new year’s eve… except i didn’t wanted to be there, i wish to find a way to get out of few apointments so i can get a flight to go meet someone that is totally infuriating. Why? Every half hour i change my mind about this man… want him, want him not. How many times you keep going back when confronted with mild interest/indifference.
maybe is best.
Get-togethers at my nilla friends should be called “let’s see if kitty likes this one”, since my friends are determined to find me a mate asap… they all seem excessively preoccupied by my single (and childless) status.
Anyway, i feel for the guys too, after all his friends are inviting him to an ambush date, so from his view is “let’s see if whatevername like this one”.
So off i go meeting my, if-my-friends-have-any-saying-in-it, future lover and let’s hope he gets my non humorous sense of humour.
have a happy Christmas 
image Vargas
i’m achy. You know that kind of ache in the chest that spread ripples of pain through the body. Sometime i feel the tears pushing,but i swallow, cause it best this way.
This year was a difficult one, so i suppose this is the right conclusion for it.
In few short weeks i went to,being excited, being content, making plans to this.
i don’t understand , i feel foolish, so that’s why i’m aching. But i’m going to be over it in no time.
i’m aching.
i’m going out.
i shouldn’t promise things.
what happens when you break a promise?
Everytime during this season i wonder who chooses music in stores… it’s bad enough all through the year to having to listen to questionable selections, but having to listen for half hour to the distorted sound of the “band of chipmunks” (why chipmunks i wonder… do chipmunks even remotely sound like that? )bellowing Xmas tunes, it’s more than anyone should have to suffer, i don’t even celebrate Xmas… although the worst Xmas tune ever, still remains “Feliz navidad”.
i can’t find any chupa chups, so i’m living a lollipop nightmare… i found em on amazon, 5 pounds for 22.99… i think is a good deal, except for the part that i cannot choose the flavor and i only like strawberry/cream or chocolate/cream… cigarettes look better by the minute except my hair smell yummy since i stop smoking, who would have thought hair can smell so good.
There is always the “exception” in my world… i’m going to walk for a bit.
i floated for a couple of days on a high driven by the sound of a voice.
i believed… am not sure what (to be truly wanted maybe? understood? )
i voiced my fears, my concerns, my hope, my reaction… it was a mistake.
i should have know,i am my worse enemy sometime.
There is simpler out there, that don’t require any adjustment.
i realized something from answer get elsewhere… if somebody truly wants you it feel different. (???)
i can’t be an afterthought, i don’t want to.
so now i go curl up in bed a bit more.
i think i skip work tomorrow… or maybe i put all this in a piece.
no expectation. no expectations.no expectations.no expectations NO EXPECTATIONS no expectations. no expectations no expectations NO EXPECTATIONS no expectations no expectation NO EXPECTATIONS no expectations NO EXPECTATIONS
why not?… yeah i know why ….
.
My addiction to lollipops has reached new depth… i’m out of chupa chups, every lollipops eater knows that ’s the best stuff. i’m actually contemplating going to the grocery store, on a saturday (gasp!) to get some.
i’m seriously worried i won’t find any.
i’ve got a different kind few days back, and discovered that grape lollipops actually taste like vomiting after too much red wine.
The next person that say “oral fixation” with a snicker, thinking to be original, is going to get bitten (how’s that for oral fixation?)…
Smoking was way less complicated.
Winter has arrived in Massachusetts, just like that, one minute was relatively mild and drizzling, the next the howling icy wind from hell is here, probably to stay till May or so (who ever thought New England and human was a good idea, was either demented or a sadist).
Of course i ,that with all my mediterranean blood should be immune, got sun burned on a cloudy Thanksgiving day on the Cape … my face looks an unappealing shade of bright pink, polished to glossy vinyl sheen from the repeated application of moisturizer. i should stay inside, cause i very much doubt that frozen wind on sunburned skin is going to be good… but alas the lollipops are calling and i have a monkey (ok a tiny marmoset ) on my back that needs feeding…
How good we are at creating dysfunction with only the tactical use of words honeyed on the tongue.
Without understanding that some dreams are hard to escape (and we assume the pose of the one who “knows” and understand the effect of rolling on the sharp rocks of goodbyes) convex reflections on dry palms of hands.
i hunger for desire, but seems that love has taken its baggage and weapons and moved away.
i wonder what is a heart , if not the fulcrum of target for darts of pain.
Than a late beat would undo allusions defying illusions…
i unusual and unadorned, in night like this will want to be fucked hard in the ass and i think of a pain that surrounds me for a day.
.
i desire everything and every(non)thing.
*
*
